I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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