Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
