So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
