i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
is wine microwaveable?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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