I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
