So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize