it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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