Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
