I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
you made out with another girl for some wings
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
