Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
