What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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