she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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