dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize