His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize