Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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