idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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