I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
