Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Dick very happy bro
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize