just tell him i said nine months
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
