yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
