i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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