I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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