Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
