The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just high enough for therapy.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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