Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Randomize
