I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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