Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
