so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
