Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
