honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
