this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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