I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
