two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
