Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
