he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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