You're my little dorito
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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