Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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