He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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