She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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