well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
