he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
