yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
