using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
