It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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