Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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