Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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