So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
