Your dad touched me again.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
