my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
