Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
