I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
im holly from the hills drunk
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize