I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
