i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
