Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
