Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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