Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
