I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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