She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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