I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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