Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
