another moral hangover. fuck.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
These tits shall not be calmed
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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