i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
