we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
