Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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