She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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