this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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