i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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