So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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