i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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