There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
