4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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