There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
