Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
