oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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