It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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