The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
