shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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