I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i out mim tonsoeep
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
