When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
