So drunk its hurt
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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