So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
