Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize