Just fell off a train. Bad.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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