Already got asked if we're dating
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
