I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
