I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
