she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's just like the Real World with babies
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
