I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
