I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
