FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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