we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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