do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
