The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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