Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
