my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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