roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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