bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
