hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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