I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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