Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
