What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
