i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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