I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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