I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
