dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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