I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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