so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dick very happy bro
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
