chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
