this boner is exhausting
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
