everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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