You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
